


Angel

by DiamondWings



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angels, Gen, Hakyeon is suffering, Taekwoon is an angel, Terminal Illnesses, this whole thing hurts me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 04:53:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11284113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiamondWings/pseuds/DiamondWings
Summary: Hakyeon knows he can't be saved... but then an angel appears.





	Angel

The first time Hakyeon sees him, he's sure he's just a hallucination, brought to him by the mixture of pain and useless painkillers coursing through his body. Nonetheless, he tries to focus on the boy stood at the door of his room through the haze, not daring to unclench his teeth, unseal his lips, to ask him who he is, because he's sure he will scream out in pain if he tries.

The boy doesn't move, holding his gaze the whole time while Hakyeon struggles to breathe through the feeling of his ribs crumbling to dust with every twitch of his lungs. Hakyeon doesn't know how, but eventually he stops feeling the pain.

The next thing he notices as his eyes open up slowly, his eyelids feeling so, so heavy, is that his room is full of people. Nurses working with precision and pursed lips, doctors barking orders at them, and his chest burning...

Another defibrillation.

Hakyeon doesn't dare sigh, even though he really feels like it, lest it bring back the pain.

Why do they insist on bringing him back? He knows his days are numbered, has known for a long time; and he knows the number isn't a high one. Fortunately.

It isn't that he’s desperate to die per se, considering he is way too young to die. But he’s also too young to watch (and feel!) his body -more precisely, his bones- decay on him at an alarmingly fast rate.

A rare, not really fully researched bone disease plagues him. Something about his osteoclasts working way faster than his osteoblasts, meaning his bones destroy themselves faster than they could heal themselves.

At first, it had been mainly inconvenient, leaving him with broken bones that tended to not heal properly way more often than he cared for all throughout his childhood. Then, though, his bones started aching even without breaking. And then they broke without him doing anything special. Turning around in bed had broken his hip. Coughing had broken two of his ribs. The water bottle slipping out of his hand had broken his femur. And now the defibrilator... That must be at least three more broken ribs.

Hakyeon is just getting tired of it all at this point.

There was no known cure for his disease. Why did they insist on bringing him back, when it only means more pain, more broken bones that wouldn't heal, more days and nights spent in unspeakable agony?

Hakyeon is really tired. But he just clenches his teeth when the doctors tape up his fragile ribs, inject more useless medication into his system that does nothing to mitigate the pain, and forces himself to smile when his mother and sister come in after the doctors and nurses leave.

That's when he sees the boy for the second time, standing by the door, still, unmoving when the two women rush past him as if they don't see him.

They fuss over him, tears streaming down their faces, and Hakyeon loses the boy out of his sight for a moment. When he looks again, he's gone.

The third time he sees him, it's the middle of the night. His room is dark, only a few tiny lights on the machines connected to his body providing almost non-existent light, and he just knows the boy is providing the light illuminating him himself.

He isn't quietly stood by the door this time, but standing next to his bed.

"Hi." Hakyeon offers, unable to say much more as the pain in his left arm increases to a point it brings tears to his eyes.

The boy doesn't say anything, but he steps closer, reaching out towards him with one hand.

Hakyeon flinches, wanting to bring his aching limb out of his reach, but moving it is just not an option. He braces for the inevitable pain that is to come once the boy's fingers touch his arm, but it never comes.

He's confused, wondering if the boy had touched him at all, just to find his whole hand laying against his arm's skin. It doesn't hurt, though; on the contrary, as the pain starts to vanish from his arm, starting where the boy's hand lays.

"I can't heal you. But I can take away your pain." The boy suddenly speaks up, but Hakyeon can barely hear him.

His voice is so soft! He looks so strong and fierce and powerful, and yet his voice... Hakyeon is entranced.

"Who are you?" Hakyeon needs to know, forgetting his manners and to thank the other.

The boy retracts his hand slowly, covering the spot he'd just touched with the duvet.

"Taekwoon."

"How did you do that?" Hakyeon indicates his arm with a look.

Taekwoon shrugs.

"You will find out."

It's a weird answer, but Hakyeon doesn't care in that moment, leaning back into his pillows. For the first time in years, he relaxes; for the first time in years, he doesn't feel pain. Anywhere.

"Thank you, Taekwoon." He whispers, still too conscious about not straining any part of his body to avoid further pain.

Taekwoon's expression turns sadder.

"You shouldn't be thanking me..."

Hakyeon frowns, and Taekwoon turns around, towards the door, ready to leave.

"Where are you going? Why don't you stay for a bit?" Hakyeon interrupts his retreat, but Taekwoon shakes his head.

"You won't want me around."

Hakyeon huffs.

"Shouldn't I know best what I want?"

That makes Taekwoon stop his retreat, and he turns around, surprise in his eyes.

Hakyeon smiles lightly.

"Please?"

Taekwoon's averts his eyes.

"Not now. But I'll be back."

Hakyeon's face falls, but he accepts his answer.

"You promise?"

Taekwoon's face falls further.

"I promise."

***

Taekwoon keeps his promise. He comes back, when Hakyeon fractures his hips again.

He can barely see anything through the pain, but he sees Taekwoon clearly, as well as the light radiating off him in the dimly lit room.

Taekwoon strides towards his bed confidently, folding back his blanket to reveal Hakyeon's bruised body, and places his hand on his uncovered hip.

Hakyeon doesn't care that the other sees him practically naked. His body doesn't feel like his own anymore, and he's long grown used to everyone doing with it as they pleased in his long stay at the hospital, whether he wanted it or not. It doesn't belong to him anymore, why should he care?

Tears of relief spill out of his eyes when the pain subsides, dimming until it fades away completely.

"Thank you." He sobs out, but once again Taekwoon's eyes swim with sadness.

"Don't thank me..." he whispers, turning away to leave again.

"Wait! Please..."

Taekwoon looks troubled when he looks back.

Hakyeon bites his lip, not knowing what to say or why he asked him to stay.

"Why do you... help me?"

Taekwoon turns away from Hakyeon again.

"I'm not helping you..." he whispers in that soft voice of his.

"You are making my pain go away! That is helping in my book!"

Taekwoon's head snaps back around, fury in his eyes, but also something more.

"I'm _not_ helping you!"

His voice, firmer this time, louder, reveals the emotion Hakyeon couldn't decipher in his eyes: guilt.

Taekwoon doesn't wait around for Hakyeon to recover from his shock. He leaves. But Hakyeon doesn't see the door move, just Taekwoon disappear.

"Please come back..." he whispers into the empty room.

***

Taekwoon does. Hakyeon's family is there, but Hakyeon doesn't see them. All he sees is the white hot pain coursing through every cell of his body as if he was being ripped into a million pieces. And Taekwoon.

He makes a sharp contrast in the white hot hell his body is putting him through, his features sharp and defined despite the almost blinding light he emanates himself.

Hakyeon's focus falls upon him immediately, but his family doesn't seem to take notice of his all overpowering presence.

"Taekwoon..." Hakyeon whispers. Or thinks he does, but no sound makes it past his lips. Taekwoon hears him anyway, though.

He makes his way through the closely gathered relatives, not touching anyone despite not even trying to avoid them.

Reaching out, his hand covers Hakyeon's in an infinitely tender gesture.

Immediately, breathing becomes easier, the pain fading out of his body.

Hakyeon wants to thank him, but refrains from doing so, remembering the last time he did that. His eyes still show his gratitude, though, and Taekwoon sighs.

"Don't ask me to stay. Spend time with those who love you."

Hakyeon doesn't know how to react, watching dumbfounded as Taekwoon leaves without further ado, again without moving the closed door.

Only when he opens his eyes to be met with his mother's tear filled ones, he realizes they had been closed.

How had he been able to see Taekwoon? Did he only dream about him?

That couldn't be it. He never dreams anymore, and his pain is definitely gone; something only Taekwoon could accomplish.

He is confused, but dream or not, he does as Taekwoon said.

***

He'd forgotten to ask Taekwoon to come back, but the other does anyway.

Hakyeon is wishing that he'll never have to wake up again from the induced coma he'd been put in when his body had given up on him yet again, but of course his body betrays him. He wakes up in -surprise!- agonizing pain.

He's been intubated, put on artificial ventilation, since his lungs refuse to do their job on their own anymore. Once again, he wonders why they went through that trouble with him, but the thought soon leaves his mind and only focuses on the pain.

Until Taekwoon appears. This time, he doesn't just walk up to the bed to then stand next to him, but he sits down, brushing Hakyeon's wet bangs out of his eyes.

The touch does nothing to end the pain, though, and Hakyeon's eyes fill with tears at the surprise in Taekwoon's eyes. He wants to say something, anything, to Taekwoon, let him know that it's ok, he isn't mad or disappointed the other can't take his pain away anymore. It was wonderful while it lasted. But he can't, the ventilation system not allowing him.

Taekwoon soon recomposes himself, though, and he lifts his hand to brush the bangs out of Hakyeon's forehead completely. Before Hakyeon knows what's happening, Taekwoon leans forward and brushes the tenderest kiss to the newly uncovered skin.

The pain vanishes instantly, and Hakyeon relaxes, relief washing over him.

"Why do they do this to you..." Taekwoon whispers, and Hakyeon sees a pain flash in his eyes that rivals his own, physical one.

For once, Taekwoon doesn't leave immediately, bathing Hakyeon in his warm light that should be blinding, but was nothing but comforting.

Taekwoon sighs after a while, taking Hakyeon's fragile hand in his own.

"You must have figured out what I am by now. Why do you still insist on wanting me around?"

"Why should I not?"

Hakyeon doesn't know how his words managed to sound so clearly in the room, with his vocal chords blocked, but he just accepts it.

"You should hate me."

Hakyeon shakes his head minutely.

"It's not your fault I'm going to die. But you make the wait easier. So why should I hate you?"

Taekwoon averts his gaze, playing with a loose thread on Hakyeon's blanket.

"I'll be the one taking you away from your family, your friends, your life."

Hakyeon scoffs.

"As much as I love my family and friends, they need to learn to let go. They aren't doing me any favours keeping me around..."

Taekwoon's eyes widen.

"Doesn't death scare you?!"

Hakyeon shrugged.

"I suppose. But so does every second of life."

"So you... you won't hate me when I take you with me?"

Hakyeon sighs, a teasing smile in his eyes.

"I'd probably thank you, if you weren't so allergic to my thanks."

***

From then on, Taekwoon makes it a habit to stay for a while whenever he visits Hakyeon. His visits always go the same.

Taekwoon comes whenever pain is the only thing on Hakyeon's mind. He takes the pain away, even though it becomes harder every time. When Hakyeon relaxes, he sits down next to him on his bed, and they chat.

Taekwoon is the only one Hakyeon can talk to since he's been put on the ventilation system, and he cherishes the moments with him like nothing else.

They chat about everything and nothing: which dog breed is the cutest, whether noodles or rice were the better food, about singing and playing instruments, the best ways to remove cat hair out of wool sweaters.

Everything, really. Just not about death. Or life. And that even though Hakyeon dies twice during that time.

Taekwoon is there both times, and Hakyeon clings to him desperately, not wanting to be brought back. But the agonized look on Taekwoon's face tells him it's in vain, that he won't be allowed to leave with Taekwoon just yet.

Yes, the reason for the agony in Taekwoon's eyes had changed; while at first it was because he would have to take Hakyeon away from the life he should have been able to enjoy for so much longer, now it pains him to have to leave him there, in the misery that it was.

Hakyeon's condition is deteriorating fast.

He loses a leg, since the never healing fracture infects badly and his body rejects the limb.

He's rarely ever awake anymore, and hasn't talked in weeks. Except for with Taekwoon, but that's different. He's resorted to writing down his thoughts to communicate with his loved ones.

He tells them it's ok to let him go. That he's not afraid. (He really isn't anymore; not since he knows Taekwoon will be there with him.) He tells them he's ready to go, and that all he wants now is to not be in pain anymore. He begs them to understand.

But his family doesn't understand. They keep telling him how much he has to live for, to not give up, to just hang in there. They tell him how much they love him, and how they never want him to have to go.

All Hakyeon hears, though, is that they don't care about the pain he's in and what he wants for himself. He becomes bitter, and when he breaks his hand, he can't even write anymore. He resorts to glaring at everyone then, daring them to touch him and give him more pain, to keep bringing him back to suffer some more. Sometimes his glares soften to begging looks, begging to let him go, finally. But they are misinterpreted as begs to be saved, to not have to die, and he gives up on them.

What once was love for his family, turns into bitter hatred. He doesn't want to see them ever again, but he can't even convey that anymore.

Taekwoon rarely leaves him these days. Only when Hakyeon's family comes to visit him, but once they are gone, he comes out again.

He understands Hakyeon's growing hatred, but it saddens him. Even when it's just the two of them, Hakyeon never smiles anymore. He rarely talks to Taekwoon, but when he does, it's the only times when there isn't hatred in his eyes and voice. Just tiredness.

Taekwoon tries his best to convince Hakyeon to let go of the hatred that is poisoning his beautiful soul, to make peace with his family, but Hakyeon doesn't know how anymore.

Then Taekwoon disappears. He's just not there anymore, and Hakyeon's heart breaks into more pieces than his bones. A whole week passes, and Hakyeon doesn't see a trace of Taekwoon. The pain he's in multiplies a million times, until it becomes so much he doesn't feel it anymore. His body is incapable of feeling it anymore.

And that's when everything changes.

He sees a doctor coming in, together with his whole family. He also sees himself, lying on the bed he hasn't moved out of in he couldn't remember how long.

He looks peaceful, despite the hundreds of bruises littering his mangled body and face. Actually, he looks horrendous, but that doesn't take away from the peaceful look. And that's when he realizes he _feels_ at peace, too.

He takes in his family's faces. His mother, who doesn't even have tears anymore to shed. His father, who's lost so much weight he barely recognizes him. His sisters, who look as if a light inside them has been extinguished. His brother, whose face is a mask of anger and pain that looks exactly like he himself had felt for the past weeks.

His thoughts halt. He's been so caught up in his own pain that he didn't even try to understand the pain those close to him have been through, too. That their emotional pain must have been just as big as his physical one. He realizes he's been terribly unfair, and now it's too late to mend his wrongs.

"It's not too late. Tell them, they will know." A soft voice whispers behind him, and Hakyeon feels warmth encompass him all over.

"Go, be quick. You don't have that much time!" Taekwoon urges from behind him, placing a gentle kiss against his temple and shoving him lightly.

Hakyeon stumbles anyway, surprised to find his body whole, and then rushes towards his mother. He places his hands on her shoulders, trying to hold her gaze. She doesn't look like she sees or feels him, but she looks up.

"Mom... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude and selfish lately. I know you wanted what you thought was best for me, and that your pain must have been as big as mine; if not bigger. Mom, I love you. I forgive you, and I hope you can forgive me sometime."

He hugs his father next. He doesn't return the hug, but his body loses some of its tension.

"Dad... You need to take care of yourself. Don't give yourself up because of me. You need to grow old and teach all of your grandchildren your wisdom and kindness. I love you."

A tear rolls down the older man's cheek, and Hakyeon moves on to where his sisters were holding on to each other before he could lose it himself.

"Noona...  Noona. You're holding on too tightly. I will never be truly gone, I'll always be around in some way. I'll probably become a poltergeist and teach your kids all the pranks and mischief I played on you. So don't be too harsh on them when they are naughty; it'll probably have been my idea. I love you both."

His brother is the last, and out of the corner of his eyes he sees Taekwoon shifting restlessly. He quickly hugs his brother.

"Hyung, don't be mad. This is for the best. All of this is no one's fault. Find peace; I will find it, too. I'll miss you. I love you."

Tears spill down his face when he turns his back to his family, facing Taekwoon.

Taekwoon has changed. Huge white wings are neatly folded on his back, so white and pure and beautiful it almost hurts to look at them. But Taekwoon is even more beautiful in Hakyeon's eyes, even though his expression is lined with worry and he eyes Hakyeon warily as he fights to be able to leave his family. Forever.

Despite not feeling the physical pain of his body anymore, a new pain lacerates Hakyeon as he forces himself away from those he loves dearly after all. He almost fears he won't make it all the way over to where Taekwoon is waiting for him, and it certainly costs him all of his strength. He collapses weakly against the angel's chest, hiding his face while Taekwoon's arms come around him to hold him, unsure if the touch would be welcome.

For the first time, Taekwoon's touch feels real, solid, tangible, and it's so new and overwhelming that Hakyeon forgets to keep crying. He lifts his head to look into the angel's face, which is still wary.

"What's wrong?" He asks tentatively, unsure what is troubling the other.

Taekwoon swallows.

"You promised you wouldn't hate me for taking you away from them..." his voice is such a whisper Hakyeon has trouble to hear him at all.

As an answer, though, he loops his arms around the angel's waist and holds him close; really close, closer than it's ever been possible before.

"I don't. I won't. But why did you disappear?"

Taekwoon averts his eyes.

"You... your hatred. It shut me out. It wouldn't let me near you."

Hakyeon leans back, gasping.

"You mean... I almost would have died alone?!"

Taekwoon doesn't meet his gaze, but nods minutely.

A shiver of fear runs through Hakyeon, and he steps back into Taekwoon's embrace, almost clinging to him.

"That hatred isn't part of your soul, though. That's why I could come back once you let go of it."

Relief washes over Hakyeon.

"I'm done with hatred. I promise."

Taekwoon shifts in his embrace, hugging him back.

"I know. Shall we go now? We really need to..."

Hakyeon nods, stepping out of Taekwoon's embrace and taking his hand instead. Taekwoon spreads his wings, and his light fills every last corner of the room. It becomes blinding, until the only thing Hakyeon can see is his body on the bed, and his family around him. Then Taekwoon squeezes his hand, and his body exhales its last breath.

Hakyeon feels a tug in his chest, and then the only thing he can feel is Taekwoon's hand. He closes his eyes, not wanting to see the realization on his parents' and siblings' faces that he's gone.

When he opens his eyes again, the room and his family are gone. There is only light, and Taekwoon, who's watching him carefully.

He bites his lip before a smile spreads over them and he wraps an arm around Taekwoon's waist.

"Ok, so what now?" He looks up at the angel expectantly, and a hint of a smile ghosts over the other's lips.

It's the first time Hakyeon sees him smile, and just as he's about to comment on it, Taekwoon reaches out into the air behind him and... flicks Hakyeon's wing.

"Welcome back home, Hakyeon."

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I was in a bad place when I wrote this. This is really mean, I'm sorry. 
> 
> Cross posting this from asianfanfics.com. If you liked this story enough to think I deserve it and you can afford it, I've recently created a kofi account in hopes of one or another coffee-tip coming my way to help my etenernal broke-ness at ko-fi.com/diamondwings. I'd love you forever; every little bit would help make my entire summer, since it's the only way for me to earn anything until the end of August.


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